Article by Timothy Tindale

Pornography is an ever-growing trend all over the world creating a poor stereotype in young peoples minds of what to expect from relationships. Dress sense, body image and expectations are being programmed into everyday life and giving easily influenced people a totally wrong perception of what to expect from life and relationships. The average person, male or female, will find it hard to live up to these expectations.

Any person measuring themselves up against characters from porn are setting themselves up for a fall. People will change physically as the years march on, gravity takes its toll on some body parts while diet affects others. Hair changes color or disappears. Stamina and libido gradually decrease. Anyone expecting themself or their partner to continue to measure up to the “standards” set by porn is likely to be in for a disappointment.

Imagine then how your partners feelings are going to be affected if they feel they are being measured up against a porn star? Unworthy, ugly, lacking and hurt would be a pretty fair start. Imagine if you were the one being measured up against a fantasy? Do you think you would be filled with confidence in your own looks and abilities?

Many couples use pornography as a source of excitement in a relationship. Using the fantasy together for mutual benefit is one thing — viewing it in secret for your own sexual gratification is another thing entirely. Anything kept secret from your spouse is not good for your marriage and is not limited to porn. A night out with friends when your spouse believes you are “working late”, frivolous spending of money your partner is not aware of, gambling behind your partners back — all these point to a problem in your relationship.

Sexual intimacy is something which should be kept inside the bounds of your marriage. It is something shared between a couple and not shared with anyone else. Love and trust are things which can be shared with other people in your life such as family and close friends. When sexual gratification is sought from a source external to your relationship then there is a problem which needs to be addressed. Do you think your partner would feel good knowing they cannot measure up to your sexual desires? Good communication between partners should help alleviate any perceived problem before any source of gratification external to your relationship creates even more.

Pornography is not a harmless diversion when it intrudes into a relationship this way. If it is not recognised by both partners as an accepted “stimulant” in the relationship then it is indeed an infidelity in your marriage. Keeping your sexual relationship as something special to be shared only with your spouse and steering clear of porn will go a long way towards building a great partnership with them.